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i don't know whether itll be the last time im updating this and if it is ill miss you all. my life has completely gone to shit in the past few days. who knew our silly little town would get targetted by the panadians. my neighbourhoods been bombed to shreds. the damage those asses have done to it is so bad its beyond repairing. Mari got caught in the attacks, along with doe. i can't begin to imagine how much theyre suffering getting their limbs torn apart long after theyve died. words cant describe how much it hurts, waking up and knowing that theyre gone. i hate my life, i hate everything. i hate not being able to do anything about it. we've been ordered to evaccuate the area but i wont leave this place yet. ill stay there and search for them even if all thats left are their smashed circuits. i know they're dead but i want to satisfy that naive side of me who still believes they arent.
i dont know what will come of my future. the futures of the people around me too. i dont know if we even have one. i dont know why rambling on here will help anything. i know theres nothing you can do. i guess i should shut up now.
Panadians burnt down the neighbouring towns. I can see the planes on the horizon.
So, if you've looked at the news at least once in the past few weeks, I trust you have an idea on what I'm going through. If you've been living under a rock, I'll enlighten you.
As we all know, the folks who believe in Panadism don't take their religion lightly. Some of them take up "invading other counties and forcing their beliefs upon people" as an everyday hobby. Although it may seem like a whimiscal day in the park for them, we automations on the other hand have to run away, or risk being torn apart.
The splendid thing is that there've been reports of Panadonian troops raiding villages in my area, and several villages have been burnt down. Believe me, these aren't just rumours. I can smell the smoke from here. There's been word the Panadians are considering on using atomic weapons too, though personally, it'll take way less power than that to destroy the area. My town has been under Amber Alert ever since the attacks began there and the council is currently considering a curfew. I never would have thought this would have happened... but here we are.
For once I didn't spend the day beating up the corrupted. Well not the entire day. Mari convinced the crew to have dinner on this very high hill. Mari really has some talent for finding places with the best view. From there, we could actually see some stars for once. Not a few like there would be if you were in the middle of town, which would be covered up with ads, but loads. Enough to see clearly between the popups. Jane Doe used to be into astrology in her early years, way before she became an automation, and she spent the night pointing out constellations we've probably never heard of. It's amazing how that data hasn't been wiped off her memory drive yet. Wren told us that he used to work at a corrupted containment center. The ceiling in the center was enclosed and Wren had to stay in that compound 24/7 since the corrupted were high maintenance, so he never got to see a clear sky like this for ages, until now. It's a miracle he survived tht hellhole with his sanity, I would have ripped all my wires out if I were in there. I wish moments like this lasted forever. I would have done anything to make this moment last forever. But alas, life moves on.
I'm bored. There were less corrupted than usual today so I was let off early. I don't know what to type now. Love you all. Bye.
I guess I assumed too much. Wren is actually a pretty nice person, especially when he's not worn out by fighting the corrupted. He booked a shift to train me, because it's pretty hard getting used to techniques when you're under pressure. Wren agrees with the sentiment that this should have been done before I began my first shift but ACEON plans on pushing more automations out to fight than have few well-trained ones. We went through a bunch of weapons to see which one would suit me the best. After lingering around a few weapons, I decided to take the multi-purpose scythe. Many members in our team have unconventional weapons. Wren has an amputated snake body that he found somewhere, and keeps it as his pet as well as his weapon. Although headless, Wren has made adjustments to her body so it can still receive supplies, but he's still seeking to give her a working head. I honestly don't know about bringing your pets out to fight, but Wren knows about his pet more than I do, so he'll be the one to know whether she's truly being his weapon or not.
Today I've finished my first shift "sterilising the area" or in other words, killing corrupted. Through a miraculous turn of events, I've been assigned to the team with Mari in it, but I've been paired with an absolutely disagreeable person called Wren as my mentor. As much as I try to ignore his sarcastic replies to genuine questions, or him commanding me to take down a massive group of corrupted by myself without been given any prior training, it still bugs me. I can't assume anything about him yet, and there's nothing can do but get used to it.
i hate this. i always feel like throwing up, but i can't. the surgery side effects are horrible.
Procedures are done! I expected my body to be slightly stiff, but my joints function perfectly! It's going to take some getting used to, becoming a literal robot and all. But I finally know how it feels to finally be comfortable in our own skin. My body does feel colder than it used to but apart from that it's amazing! I'm surprised they allowed me to have full control on planning the model's appearance, the craftmanship that went into this is amazing. Anyways, THIS MODEL IS PERFECT!!!!!
wish me luck
Aceon's standard plan is absolutely ridiculous. At this point, who is this plan aimed for? People who can afford the plan without selling their kidneys and livers can probably afford the premium plan, hell, they'd go for the other companies instead. Don't forget, we're talking about the STANDARD PLAN. That means they'll probably restrict the amount of memory I'm able to keep in my memory drive. They'll probably even fill the sky up with ads. I bet people from ten, no maybe even five, years ago would have never guessed people would start capitalisng off life. The literal living experience! But you can't even say it's a cashgrab because it's the cheapest option out there by a country mile, and no automation has ever been this low of a price. Eugh I sound like a salesman. But it's frustrating! You'd think it'll be way more affordable, it giving you a better chance of surviving the Destruction, but no!!!!!
I hate my body beyond anything. It feels like there's mites crawling down in there. No matter how much I try, my voice is always going to be way too low, or my adam's apple is going to bulge out, or my shoulders are going to be way too broad. I'd rather die trying to get a better body than live in this fleshy mess.
I've realised there's little I can to to change my body to what I want it to be, without going under the knife. I've tried all I can to do so, but I always end up sticking out like a sore thumb. The thought of loosing my humanity to become an automation that's only alive to destroy the corrupted disgusted me at first, but after talking to Mari about this, I realised that staying human will mean that I have a higher chance of becoming corrupted, and loosing any sense of autonomy over my life. She also said that she sees destroying the corrupted as saving them from the pain that is being one. I still don't feel that way, I don't want to kill anything at all, but I'm starting to understand how automations handle the burden they feel when killing.
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I feel like I have more on my back than ever. Being an Archon of New-Babylonia is no easy feat. The lives of hundreds of automations are right in your hands, and if you slip up, even the tiniest bit, that can cost the quality of living. It seems normalised that most Archons abuse their power over their people, and it's concerning we're given so much of their data - where they usually go throught the day, live footage of where they're at, and even their thoughts - in the first place. I just hope there are some people in power out there, automation or not, who know the weight of their responsibility.
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It's painfully common to see propaganda that paint the Vessel as a heretic, blasphemer or even a dictator in the other districts, and it's even more painful to see people take that exaggerated caricature of my old friend to heart. People refuse to acknowledge that not all Vessels of Astraea share the same beliefs as each other. I know Ford lives despising the role she is forced to take as the Vessel. I know that her brother was supposed to be the next Vessel, but with a cruel turn of events, Ford became the only surviving heir. I know Ford expected her life to be free from responsibility, and looked forward to spending her days, roaming free, away from her family. It must be painful throwing all those dreams away to fulfil a role generations upon generations of your family expect you to take. Along with that, a whole empire expects you to live up to their expectations, as a ruler, as a fighter and as the embodiment of a god. All I hope is that she's doing alright.
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I have dreams sometimes of this beautiful place. Everytime I wake up however, these dreams trickle away like water in a cracked jar, but there's still a few things I remember vividly. There were fields as far as the eye could see, much unlike the barren wastelands around here. The grass there were knee-high and lush, and the river that meandered through the place was crystal clear (it could possibly double as a mirror). On the summit of a hill not far from the source of the river was a wall built of stone. It was completely enclosed apart from a little section facing the river where a gate stood. It seems that I can't remember anything after I entered the gate. Strange.
